End your Idea of Entitlement

 What do we mean by entitlement?  

It’s easy to feel as though we are entitled to receive only the good in life; special treatment from others, good luck sent by the Universe, feelings of happiness and ease etc. This is particularly the case when it feels like we are doing everything right, we make efforts to do good by others, perform acts of kindness and look after our own physical and mental well-being. If this is so then is it wrong to feel like we deserve the good in life? Absolutely not. It’s a fair desire to be honest. The issues that come with believing we are entitled to good fortune however, are the repercussions that occur when our expectations are not met.  

 

 

Expectations Can Lead to Disappointment 

Despite what we do in life, whether we go to strenuous effort to help others, or just generally don’t care about anything or anyone other than ourselves, the same outcomes occur if we have too strong a sense of entitlement. The price that comes with expectation is more often than not disappointment. If we expect everyone to be nice to us, the moment someone says or does something to us that doesn’t meet our idea of ‘nicety’, we’re left frustrated, upset and caught up in our minds with all sorts of judgments about such a person/people, and ourselves.  

The same goes for when ‘life’ happens at the exact moment we’re feeling all happy and cheerful; our car breaks down, we hit standstill traffic for hours, our computer crashes and we lose all of our work, we stain our new clothes that we we’re ecstatic to wear for the first time. The list goes on. It’s like this constant emotional yo-yo that is violently swinging from north to south depending on how things are going at the time.  

 

 

Equanimity is Essential  

If we continue to live between states of hope and disappointment, we eradicate our chances of living a happy, balanced overall life. Unfortunately, this does mean adjusting the way we think and perceive, so we do have to rid of a lot of our exorbitant excitement, but we also reduce a lot of the disappointment, frustration, fear, and sadness too.  

 

 Self-awareness Practice  

This is a short, informal practice to try during the next events that occur in your life.  

1. External Objects (e.g. a new t-shirt or dress)

The next time you order a new piece of clothing, for example a new t shirt or a new dress, try to bring some awareness to your thoughts and feelings at the time. The chances are you experience feelings of excitement, and are visualising yourself wearing them. Just be aware off all of these thoughts and feelings but try not to get carried away by them.  

 

 

 Do the same again the next few times you wear the clothes. See if there’s a change in your thoughts and feelings, see if you feel like you need something new, see if you feel as excited the third, or fourth time wearing them. Again just be aware but try not to get carried away.  

See our blog on the idea of Novelty for a deeper understanding of this: Read it here.  

 

2. Physical Exercise (i.e. going working out at the gym) 

 This one’s a little tricker as many of us feel quite excited during a gym session, and after when we’re trained hard, pumped up our muscles and got a good sweat on.  

Try to bring some awareness to these thoughts and feelings during a gym session, again just observe them but try not to get carried away. 

 

 

 On a day where it feels like things just haven’t gone to plan, it’s been frustrating and tedious, perhaps anxious too. Try to bring awareness to the thoughts and feelings again during and after the session. Maybe you don’t feel as energetic today, maybe your thoughts aren’t as uplifting. Maybe it feels you don’t really feel like being there today and you’d rather just go home. Again, just bring your awareness to these thoughts and feelings without getting too involved.  

 

3. Day to day life. This one’s up to you.

 The above exercises are provided as relative examples of things in which thoughts and feelings quite drastically change, but the reality is our thoughts and feelings are in constant flux as we go about day to day life, but for many of us, on levels so subtle that we don’t even realise it.  

As you continue through daily life, try to bring momentary conscious awareness to your thoughts and feelings. Keep them varied i.e. during a working day, going for a walk, going out with friends etc.  

On ‘good’ days, you may be inundated with positive thoughts about yourself and others, and feel ‘happy’ all day. Perhaps you feel everyone has been kind to you, and you go to bed feeling filled with positivity heading into the following day.  

 

 

The day after, it may feel the complete opposite. Maybe those feelings have passed, maybe it feels nothing has gone your way, maybe everyone came across rude, and consequently, you go to bed feeling frustrated, sad, and anxious.  

The more we bring this insightful practice into our daily lives, the more we’ll come to discover that often, it is our unrealistic expectations that bring about unnecessary levels of unhappiness. The more aware we become the more calm we’ll feel when things are going to plan, and the more accepting we’ll feel when things become stressful and difficult.  

 The overall objective is to develop our equanimity throughout life events, both internal and external.  

 

Stay Tuned for more Weekly Wisdom!.